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A Seniors Guide advice column published Oct. 12, 2026, responds to a retired man who says friends repeatedly ask him for rides to medical appointments, grocery trips and home repairs. Columnist R. Eric Thomas says boundaries can help protect relationships from resentment while acknowledging that friends may be frightened, overwhelmed or short of other support.
Seniors Guide published an advice column on Oct. 12, 2026 about a retired man who says friends are repeatedly asking him for rides to medical appointments, grocery trips and help with household repairs. Columnist R. Eric Thomas advises the reader to keep setting limits and to discuss what help he can realistically offer, as the requests have left him feeling overwhelmed and resentful. For more on making time for friends, see our related advice.
The reader, writing under the name “Team Player,” says friends around his age have increasingly asked him to drive them to doctor’s appointments and outpatient surgeries, take them grocery shopping and act as a handyman. He says he has begun responding that he cannot help, but some friends then debate his refusal or try to persuade him to change his mind.
The reader describes feeling uncomfortable, unappreciated and overwhelmed. He asks whether his friends see him as a friend or simply as someone they can use. Those feelings are part of the reader’s account; the column does not establish what the friends intend or how they would describe the relationships.
Thomas says the reader is right to work on setting and maintaining supportive friendships while aging in place. He argues that a refusal can help prevent resentment from growing, while also suggesting the friends may be taking the reader for granted, may not understand that his “no” is firm, or may be focused on their own needs. He recommends making sure both sides understand what the reader can offer, potentially agreeing to some trips and considering other sources of support who could help with the rest.
Limits Can Protect Friendships
The exchange addresses a practical tension that can arise when friends need assistance: one person may want to help, but recurring requests can exceed that person’s time, energy or willingness. The column’s central point is that setting a limit is not the same as rejecting a friend. In the reader’s account, pressure after a refusal has made the situation harder and contributed to resentment.
Thomas also treats the friends’ needs as potentially real, rather than assuming bad intent. Needing rides to medical visits or help with household tasks can be difficult for someone who previously managed those activities independently. The column says that difficulty may be frightening or disempowering, and that a readily available friend may feel like a relief. That possibility, however, does not mean the reader must take on every request.
For readers facing similar disagreements, the advice highlights a distinction between care and unlimited availability. A clearer conversation about what help is possible may preserve a relationship better than agreeing reluctantly and building resentment. The column does not provide a broader study or evidence about older adults’ friendships; it offers guidance in response to one reader’s letter.
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The Reader’s Requests and Refusals
The letter is part of Seniors Guide’s advice coverage for older adults and their families. The source describes topics in the department as including caregiving, grandparenting and retirement communities. This particular question focuses on a retired reader’s experience of being asked to provide practical support to friends, rather than on a reported policy change, medical finding or wider investigation.
Thomas’s response offers more than one possible explanation for the friends’ behavior. They may be taking the reader’s help for granted, interpreting a refusal as negotiable, or struggling to recognize his capacity because their own needs feel urgent. The column presents these as possibilities, not confirmed explanations. It also suggests the reader could help friends identify other people who might share the responsibilities.
The original report identifies Thomas as an author, playwright and screenwriter, and says he has written for advice columns including “Dear Prudence.” The published item is an advice response, not independent reporting into the friends’ circumstances or an account from the other people involved.
““boundaries help to keep relationships healthy and safe.””
— R. Eric Thomas, advice columnist
Friends’ Intentions Remain Unknown
The account comes from one letter, and the friends do not speak in the published material. It is unclear how often the requests occur, whether the friends have other sources of assistance, how they respond in full conversations, or whether they understand the effect their requests are having. The column does not establish that they are deliberately using the reader.
It is also unclear what kinds of help the reader would still be comfortable providing, or whether he and his friends have discussed a specific arrangement. Thomas’s suggestions are advice, not confirmation that the reader has taken any of those steps or that a particular outcome will follow.
A Conversation About Available Help
Thomas’s proposed next step is for the reader and his friends to pause and clarify what help is manageable. That could mean agreeing to only some trips, making a refusal clear when he cannot assist, and discussing other friends who may be able to share the support. The source does not report whether such a conversation has happened or what the friends would decide.
The column gives no timeline for a follow-up and does not describe a formal referral or outside intervention. The immediate question is whether the friends can hear and respect the reader’s limits while also identifying other ways to meet their needs.
Key Questions
What did the reader say his friends were asking him to do?
He said they wanted rides to medical appointments and outpatient surgeries, grocery trips and handyman help.
What did Eric Thomas advise?
Thomas supported setting and holding boundaries, and suggested clarifying what help the reader can offer. He also raised the possibility of helping with some trips while identifying other people who could assist.
Does the column say the friends are using him?
No. The reader wonders whether that is happening, but the column does not confirm the friends’ motives. Thomas offers several possible explanations, including that they may take the reader for granted or misunderstand his refusals.
Why does Thomas say the friends may be asking for help?
He suggests that needing help with appointments or everyday tasks can feel frightening or disempowering, and that the friends may be relieved to have someone available. He presents this as context, not as a reason the reader must accept every request.
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