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In a first-person essay published by Being Patient on October 7, 2026, artist and retired professor Robert G. Fishman recounts how making paintings about memory loss changed his response to his mother’s dementia. He says the work helped him stop trying to make her remember and pay attention instead to the relationship and recognition that remained.
Artist Robert G. Fishman says a series of paintings helped him rethink how he responds to his mother’s dementia: rather than trying to correct her or restore her memories, he now tries to meet her where she is. His first-person account, published by Being Patient on October 7, 2026, describes how making art helped him recognize that memory loss had not erased his mother or their relationship.
Fishman writes that he spoke with his mother daily after she was widowed in 1999 and initially understood changes in her behavior as signs of normal aging. In late 2023, he visited her in Florida and found her apartment in poor condition, with an empty refrigerator and a strong odor from the cat’s urine. He says she did not notice the smell and insisted that everything was fine. A neurologist diagnosed early-stage dementia, according to Fishman, but his mother refused further testing and rejected the diagnosis.
After persuading her to move closer to the family in Maryland, Fishman struggled with anger, grief and guilt. He writes that he corrected her mistakes and became frustrated when she could no longer do familiar tasks. He wanted his mother to remember and felt he could somehow bring back the person he had known. He says those reactions left him unhappy with how he was treating her.
Fishman had returned to painting after retiring. He began painting landscapes repeatedly, removing details with each version until the scenes became less recognizable. He later understood the works as a way of representing his mother’s changing memory. Four paintings became a series he calls “The Art of Forgetting.” Fishman says the process helped him focus on what remained: emotion, connection, recognition and the familiarity of a voice. His mother now lives in a memory care unit about 10 minutes from his home, he writes.
A Different Way to Meet His Mother
Fishman’s account offers a caregiver’s perspective on the emotional adjustment that can follow a dementia diagnosis. The change he describes is not a medical finding or a claim that art alters dementia. It is a personal account of how painting helped him understand his own grief and change his behavior during visits.
His experience also shows why practical support does not resolve every part of caregiving. Moving his mother closer addressed some day-to-day concerns, Fishman says, but he still had to reckon with the loss of familiar abilities and with the expectations he brought to their conversations. His later approach—joining her perspective instead of demanding that she return to his—became a way to preserve connection as her memory changed.
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From Florida to Memory Care
Fishman writes that his mother moved into independent living at about age 91, after deciding she no longer wanted to cook or clean. He noticed changes a few years later, including difficulty using her phones. Their daily calls had made it possible for him to hear her sounding like herself, while leaving him less aware of what was happening in her home, he says.
His mother had feared developing Alzheimer’s because her own mother was diagnosed at 73 and died seven years later, according to Fishman. When his mother remained well into her 90s, he believed she had avoided the same fate. She strongly resisted local assisted living, he writes, and the family eventually convinced her to move to Maryland. Fishman’s essay follows the period from that discovery through the move to a nearby memory care unit.
““Over my dead body.””
— Robert G. Fishman, describing his mother’s response to assisted living
Limits of One Family’s Account
The essay is Fishman’s personal account, not an independent medical report. It does not give details about the neurologist’s assessment, the course of his mother’s condition, or her current abilities. Fishman says his mother declined further testing and rejected the diagnosis, and the source provides no additional information about whether she later received another evaluation.
The account also does not establish that painting will have the same effect for other caregivers or people living with dementia. Fishman describes how art helped him cope; he does not present it as treatment for dementia. The essay does not specify which kinds of recognition or communication remain for his mother beyond the examples he names.
Fishman’s Visits and Art Continue
Fishman writes that his mother is in a memory care unit near the family and that he visits her. He says he now tries to enter her world rather than correct her or bring her into his. The source does not announce a new project, publication date or other upcoming milestone. His account closes on the ongoing work of visiting and maintaining a relationship as her condition changes.
Key Questions
What is “The Art of Forgetting”?
It is the name Robert G. Fishman gives to a series of four paintings that grew out of his earlier landscapes, which he repeatedly simplified by removing details. He says the paintings helped him represent and understand his mother’s changing memory.
Who is Robert G. Fishman?
Being Patient identifies Fishman as a retired college professor and nonprofit executive, as well as a visual artist and author. The publication says his experience with his mother’s dementia inspired the painting series and his children’s book, “Bubby’s Still Here.”
What did Fishman say changed in how he treated his mother?
He says he stopped trying to correct her and make her remember. During visits, he now tries to enter her world rather than asking her to return to his understanding of the past.
Where is Fishman’s mother now?
Fishman writes that she moved into a memory care unit about 10 minutes from his home. The essay does not provide further details about the facility or her current care plan.
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